We got the girls' names and it turned out they were all named Karen. They called each other Karen and at one point one of them told a story about the other three by referring to them as ""Karen and Karen and Karen.�"" She was all like ""Karen was all like 'whatever,'""and ""Karen told Karen to go tell Karen. . ."" and ""Karen Karen Karen Karen Karen.""
Slaughterhouse Paul: ""Semantic saturation"" is what you call the evaporation of meaning induced by the repetition or a word or phrase.
Slaughterhouse Pete: Semantic saturation. Semantic saturation. Semantic saturation. Semantic saturation. Semantic saturation. Semantic saturation.
Slaughterhouse Paul: Dude. Shut the fuck up.
I'm not sure how they managed to tell each other apart but I was going to need to devise some kinda system. I thought of assigning numerical designations (e.g. Karen1, Karen2,. . .) but I was worried that that would make them sound like a bunch of fembots or something and, you know, they may not dig that sort of thing. (But personally - and Paul telepathically agrees with me on this - fembots are way hot.)
So I give them the alphabetical designations KarenA, KarenB, KarenC, and KarenD, but instead of pronouncing their names as, for instance ""Care-n-See"" and ""Care-n-Be,"" I would say ""Care-Enc"" and ""Care-Enb.""
Slaughterhouse Paul: Amazingly, the Karens seem not to find that totally obnoxious.
Slaughterhouse Pete: I, too, am amazed.
All four of the Karens turn out to be pretty cool chicks and we learn some pretty far-out stuff about them.
3.1. KarenA: Ninja Brain Strings
I could tell you that KarenA is a super bad-ass ninja assassin from the future, but that would be only part of the story. See, all of the bad-ass future ninjas have built in self-destruct devices in case of untimely capture, like cyanide capsules in their molars and whatnot. But what makes KarenA a super bad-ass future ninja assassin are her brain strings. You heard me right. Those cords of twine dangling from her forehead are attached directly to her frontal lobes and a mere flick of the wrist will auto-lobotomize KarenA. And that's not all. KarenA will sit there in front of you and play with her brain strings, just kind of taunting you. It's almost like she is saying to you ""go ahead, I dare you: make a try for the brain-strings, Suckah."" Oh yeah, and she's nice too.
3.2. KarenB: Raised by Feral Dolphins
KarenB alleges she was raised by feral dolphins. The kindly bottle-noses taught her to communicate with high pitched squeals. We prompt for a demonstration and she's pretty convincing. Nikolai (eyes still on the TeeVee) throws a fish from behind the bar and KarenB catches it in her mouth and eats it in a few quick gulps. But it ain't all smiles and free fish with this aquatic chicky-poo. Nikolai (eyes are still glued to the television), gestures with a fish, pointing it at us and says ""She can seriously fuck your shit up with some under-water kung-fu. If, at any time, you find yourself swimming in KarenB's vicinity, beware of your blow-hole."" (Amazingly, these very words seem perfectly synchronized with the lips of the silent actor on the television.) Nikolai's wrist flicks and another fish goes ballistic. As the fish traces its aerial arc, Nikolai's pursed lips whistle bomb Doppler. On the television I recognize the scene from Dr. Strangelove wherein a cowboy bombardier descends astride an A-Bomb. The synchronized fish missile flies right into KarenB's sexy snapping mouth.
3.3. KarenC: Totalitarian Footwear
Orwell once described the future of the human race in terms of a boot stomping on a human face over and over again for ever and ever. And this could just as easily apply to KarenC except she's got better boots than anyone in a crappy old Orwell novel. As far as I can tell, KarenC is really sweet (if by sweet you mean ""will taze your ass"" and by ""taze"" you mean ""literally electrocute you with a tazer."")
KarenC's quote of the evening? ""Do you like electricity? Then you will frappe your pantaloons over this little smidgen of ionized atmosphere,"" said as she teasingly jabs at Paul with her tazer. Paul pretends to pretend to be afraid of the tazer. The Karens may be falling for Paul's act but I know better. Though Paul's mostly a tough cookie, the dude is seriously electrophobic.
3.4. KarenD: Her Voice Violated My Ear-hole.
And I liked it.
(c) 2004 Pete Mandik
