Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
Beliefs are the spam by which we steer.
This just in: Dog may look like Kant [from cuteoverload.com]:
Normally I’d think an article that satisfied the search string “zombie +computers +Mandik” would be a good thing. Google yourself too much, and this is what you get. From wired.com “Zombie Pfizer Computers Spew Viagra Spam“:
Pfizer’s computers appear to have been infected with malware that has transformed them into zombie computers sending spam at the behest of a hacker. Oddly enough, they are spamming the public’s inboxes with ads for the company’s own product.
Much of the spam originating from Pfizer’s machines pretends to be sent from Gmail accounts, says Wesson. Products hocked include penis-enlargement products with the names “Mandik” and “Manster,” as well as pharmaceuticals like Viagra, the sleep drug Ambien and the sedative Valium. The spam also includes ads for Cialis, a Viagra competitor made by Eli Lilly.
I’m changing my name to “Manster”.
NO U KANT
in ur understanding, in reality, in ur base
-Yo mama is so fat, she is the truth-maker for ‘your mama is fat’
-Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks the trancendental deduction is a tax break for club kids
-Yo mama is so fat, when she introspects her mental states she finds food
-Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks lost rigidity can be fixed with viagra
-Yo mama is so fat, her formal cause is the Fat
-Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks undetached rabit parts are what she uses to make rabbit stew
-Yo mama is so fat that when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house in every possible world
-Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks ‘the T-schema’ refers to the Boston Tea Party
-Yo mama is so fat that she accelerates at more than 9.8 m/s/s and so if yo mama and a bowling ball were both dropped from the Empire State building at he same time she would hit the ground first
-If you understand any of these jokes, then P(Ex) (Philosopher(x) & x=you (yes, you)); i.e. you might be a philosopher
Ten Fun Facts, with Doctor Smax
1. If you taste something while listening to a high pitched noise, it will taste sweeter and a low pitched noise will make it taste bitterer.
2. If you chew asparagus in the dark while looking in a mirror, you can see that it glows in the dark
3. Technically, Manhattan is a part of New Jersey
4. Archery was independently invented by eighteen different ancient cultures, but all haberdashery stems from a single source.
5. If heated under appropriate conditions, a solid chunk of ice can reach a temperature of 57 degrees Fahrenheit before melting.
6. Ten percent of all males and twelve percent of all females are born with a tiny pair of vestigial teeth in their elbows.
7. Even though cheetahs are the fastest animals running forwards, the fastest animal running backwards is the hippopotamus.
8. It is logically impossible to express the idea of a doorknob in French, German, or Spanish.
9. For any given year, there is a reliable statistical correlation between the average price of a six-pack of beer in the United States and the average amount of rainfall measured in inches.
10. Many people have a so-called “third nipple” but the first recorded case of a “second penis” belonged to none other than Benjamin Franklin
's recent post on cows made me think of this:
True story #1:
Once, back in grad school, I was meeting with one of my philosophy professors, and the topic somehow turned to cows. “Cows don't have fur, do they?” asked the professor. “You've got to be kidding me,” I said, never having been terribly respectful of authority figures, “How can you not know whether cows have fur?”
“Well,” he said, looking at his wingtips, “these don't have fur, and they're made of cows.”
Figure 1. “I'm made of wingtips”
True story #2:
Once, back in grade school, the science teacher announced that “chlorophyl is in every green living thing.” To which I replied, my disrespect for authority already in full bloom “You've got to be kidding me. You don't really think, for instance, that frogs have chlorophyl in their skin. That frogs are photosynthetic organisms? Do you?”
“Yes,” she replied. “All green things have chlorophyl.”
“Oh My God,” I said. Which was not cool, given the crucifix hanging on the wall. I was promptly sent to the principle nun's office. Which I always thought of as a reward because she was quite enthusiastic about my arguments against the existence of God.
Figure 2. “Arguments against God? I am God”
Open letter to Nature regarding Nature.
When I say â€œNature,â€ Oh Nature, I usually refer to you and not the scientific journal Nature, that I, sometimes, in my weakness, take to be your mouthpiece. Usually I strive, I swear I do, to take your lessons from your own lips, to discern your thoughts from your clues and yours alone, and trust not in the reports of these upstarts, these scientists. But sometimes, Oh Nature, when I stare into the inky blackness, it doesnâ€™t, pace Nietzsche, stare back, yet alone tell me whether or not the curvature of Space-Time is explicable without positing the existence of Dark Matter. Sometimes all I get is nada. And I, desperate for some news from the front, turn to the journals. But hey: as I heard once (from a Love and Rockets song, actually): â€œYou cannot go against Nature. Because when you do. Go against Nature. Thatâ€™s part of Nature too.â€ So there. Also part of Nature, for better or for worse, is Love and Rockets. And, more to the point, so is the journal Nature.
Which brings me to my current concern. Have you heard what these bitches are saying about you? Apparently, squirrels have heated tails utilizing infrared to ward off predator snakes. Who makes this shit up? Is it you, Nature? Or just Nature? And get this one: It hurts less to be a man because testosterone damps pain sensations?!?! Iâ€™m not buying it. Who, besides me, can feel my own pain? No team of scientists, thatâ€™s for sure. And finally there are the octopuses alleged to have a preferred tentacle. Why bother being right-handed when youâ€™ve got seven others at your disposal? And, more to the point, who fucking cares? Not me, oh Nature. But I care about you. I would never talk trash about you, no matter how tempting it might be to mix it up a bit. Tempting, say, to convince the world that men use the heat in their preferred tentacles to ward off pain. But thatâ€™s poetry. Or porn. And, I guess, it is all ultimately, truth as well as fiction, part of you, Nature. As am I. But not part of Nature.
Keepinâ€™ it natural,