Archive for August, 2004

Make your own USB turd

Tuesday, August 31st, 2004

Make your own USB turd

“You will require one large fake turd (don't use a real one), a small fibre optic loom like those found on kiddies flashing wands, a couple of bits of heatshrink sleeving, a resistor, an LED and a cheap USB phone charging lead.”

Dear Greece, Why the Suck?

Monday, August 30th, 2004

Here's what I learned about Greece by watching the olympic closing ceremonies:

  • Wheat is REALLY goddamn important to the Greeks. Yeah yeah: olives shmolives. It's all about the fucking WHEAT, dude. Dance around with some and you'll understand. However. . .
  • Greeks Can't Dance. Seriously. I'm not the best dancer or anything, but I'm like John Fucking Travolta compared to the Greeks.
  • The Greek Ricky Martin is quite poud of his ability to run backwards. But if you can't do it without falling down, is it really that great of an asset? No. Nor is it a dance move. But what really toasts my wheat is. . .
  • The Greeks don't give a rats ass about what are arguably their most significant contributions to world culture: Philosophy and Math. Maybe I missed it while blinking, but how hard would it have been to dress up a few bearded dudes in togas carrying banners saying “the unexamined life isn't worth living” or “the square of a triangle's hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the remaining sides”? Or, as suggests, give a nod to ol' Pythagoras by having a few kids dance around dressed up as triangles?

Everyone's Doin' the Thing

Saturday, August 28th, 2004

The latest in exploserous Thing-culture:  fills with Delight.

Can I ask you a question?

Friday, August 27th, 2004

An interview meme (…because everyone loves to talk about him/herself!):

1. Leave a comment saying you want to be interviewed. (especially people I don’t know well yet)
2. I’ll reply and give you five questions to answer.
3. You’ll update your LJ with the five questions answered.
4. You’ll include this explanation.
5. You ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

gets all interogative on my ass:

1. You are asked to redesign the American flag so that it depicts the American condition in the year 2076. Describe (or illustrate) what the flag looks like and your choices behind its new appearance.

I call this redesign “Conquest/Amnesia”. The swollen starfield signifies the rogue states we have liberated/assimilated. The diminished stripe region signifies our lack of knowledge or even interest in our own (or anyone’s) history.

2. You are the leader of a revolution. What is the first paragraph (or few sentences) of your speech to your followers on the eve of revolution?

Dudes. Bitches. Suck it!

3. If you could challenge anyone to a duel to the death, who would it be, and what weapon would you choose?

My opponent: Stephen Hawking. His weapon: Crossbow. My weapon: Steam roller.

4. What, in your opinion, is the best opening riff in a rock-n-roll song?

I’m mildly embarassed but this is the honest truth: The ten brutal minamalistic power-chords opening Green Day’s “Brain Stew”. I wished it was something by Queen, Zep, or the Stones, but it’s fucking Green Day.

5. What is the one work of art that you would steal for your own personal collection were there opportunity and no fear of being caught?

Conceptual artist Tom Friedman’s “Hot Balls”. It was created over a number of years by balls the artist stole from various toy stores.

Tom Friedman
Hot Balls
20 x 36 x 36 in.

Homeless Furries

Thursday, August 26th, 2004

Yes. That's right. Fucking homeless furries.

Gettin' Thingy With It: Pucker Up for "Pulchritude"

Thursday, August 26th, 2004

Mucho coolness ensues! Proving yet again that the whole Thing thing goes both ways, has stepped up to the plate and kicked a touch-down right out of the swimming pool (and I'm practicing to be a moronic olympic announcer). High-fives all around!



In L.A., pulchritude was power, comeliness currency, beauty a constantly polished crown. Lee fights the status quo.

“Get your brand new LOW CARB TWINKIES! Try brand new LOW CARB HO-HO'S!”

Pushing his cart down the beach, giving them away, Lee smiles at incredulous adults and smiling kids alike. There's no such thing as low carb Hostess snacks but people love a beautiful lie . . . and his boss, , loves making thousands doing liposuction.

So Lee gives away snack cakes for , he lies. Big deal, he thinks. It's better than his last job of beer vendor.

Nobody, Lee reasons, ever died from fat driving.

A thing called "Mansuetude"

Wednesday, August 18th, 2004

Hi . Your thing is ready. Remember: Post, Link, and/or Tattoo. Any one else want a thing? Click here to find out how.



Tame.  Gentle and mild. His mansuetude a shining badge. was the nicest guy to ever live. And the nicest guy to ever kill. He’s like that “gentle rapist” from a few years back who always brought lube and flowers. Except he’s not a rapist. He’s a murderer. But, damn: super-gentle. Case in point. Remember all those women he stabbed to death last year? The ones whose heads they found in his ice-box? Zero sign of struggle. Prior to the stabbing they were administered a general anesthetic. Died with smiles on their faces. Smiles, quite literally, frozen on their faces.

A thing called "Clavicle"

Wednesday, August 18th, 2004

Hi . Your thing is ready. Remember: Post, Link, and/or Tattoo. Any one else want a thing? Click here to find out how.



’s “clavicle” piercing, perhaps better called “subclavicle” given that it passes beneath the collarbone, was highly prone to infection due to its penetration of the inner body cavity and took an enormous effort on the part of her body to build the fistula, the tube of skin connecting the ends of the piercing.

But the infection eventually cleared, the fistula formed, and liked it enough to get the other collarbone done.

The latest kick in the perpetual one-upmanship of the piercing crowd was the installation of “living jewelry”. ’s twin clavicular fistula provided excellent homes for her pet earthworms.

A thing called "Prurient"

Wednesday, August 18th, 2004

Hi . Your thing is ready. Remember: Post, Link, and/or Tattoo. Any one else want a thing? Click here to find out how.



You’d have thought that, given the trench-coat and dark glasses, ’s favorite part of the bookstore would be the prurient literature. But his section of choice was somehow creepier. He spent long hours every day mumbling to himself in the children’s book section. The cute goth chicks working the register kind of dug the whole creepy thing, so the cops only got called on days when he managed to make one or more kids cry. Creepiest of all was how the very same kids would return to the store, like rats to the piper, un-chaperoned, wearing miniature trench-coats and shades.

Slimey/Slimy: Google Image Search Results

Friday, August 13th, 2004

Slimey/Slimy: Google Image Search Results

Add captions in comments. Or something.